The Year You Missed: Class of 2019 Edition, Part I

Welcome, freshmen! 

You’ve just started a four-year adventure, one that will shape your life in ways you cannot yet see.  You’ll learn much, gain some life-long friends, and if you’re smart about it, by the time you’re done will have laid a strong foundation for future success.  You’ll need help figuring out how to optimize your time on the Hilltop, so check out our Ratio Studiorum, Bookshelf, and Bucket List for guidance. 

In the hopes of providing some context about the ideological landscape you’ve just entered, we’ve rounded up the past year’s most interesting and controversial events.

Let’s get started.

The beginning of the 2014-2015 academic session was preceded by two professorial gaffes which managed to gain national media attention, but, as is par the course with Georgetown’s liberal student media scene, received absolutely no consideration on the Hilltop.  Had the professors in question been libertarians or conservatives we’ve no doubt there would have been calls for scalps from the campus thought police, along with editorials in The Hoya and The Voice lampooning or condemning them, in addition to some satire from The Heckler

Instead, crickets.

The first was a Twitter controversy in which Georgetown professor Abdullah Al-Arian tweeted out a childish nursery rhyme calling Israelis savages and comparing them to ISIS.  Professor Al-Arian is the son of Sami Al-Arian, who the Department of Justice prosecuted for aiding and abetting terrorism, and who is known for giving speeches to his Muslim co-religionists in which he proclaims: “Jihad is our path.  Victory to Islam.  Death to Israel!”  The elder Al-Arian was deported to Turkey earlier this year as part of a plea deal.  His son teaches in the School of Foreign Service.

Here’s the tweet (which he later deleted, but not before a screenshot was taken):

Clever, right?  And accurate too, because ISIS and Israel are sooooo similar.  Why just the other the day we were reading about how Jews in Tel Aviv lined up a bunch of Christians on the beach and chopped their heads off (link NSFW).  Then, when they finished lunch, they made a homosexual couple jump to their deaths from the roof of a building.  Next, and just for fun, they put three men in a cage and drowned them, forced another to dig his own grave, and then daisy-chained explosives to the necks of five others before beheading some women for “witchcraft and sorcery.”  Afterwards they spent an hour selling and trading captured Yazidi teenage girls to be sex slaves before taking them home and raping them.  And to cap off a fun-filled day, they had a boy slice the head off one of his own countrymen.

Yep, those Israelis are some bad mofos.  Just like ISIS.  Exactly like ISIS.  Props to these Georgetown professors for boycotting them.

Around the time Professor Al-Arain was tweeting his nonsense, MSNBC talking head and Georgetown professor Michael Eric Dyson appeared to have had what the medical community refers to as a transient ischemic attack.  Some say it was just a real-time, on-air Obamagasm.  During an appearance on Melissa Harris Perry’s show he compared President Obama to Jesus Christ.  Not Jesus H. Christ, but Jesus the Son of God Christ.  That one.  Video here

Professor Dyson, who spends his time at Georgetown teaching in the sociology department (don’t act like you’re surprised!), is, as one would expect, a card carrying member in good standing of the grievance studies industry.  One wonders too if he’s been smoking the same stuff as Al-Arian.  Both seem to have difficulty making distinctions. 

While you had to look north to NYU or south to UVA for last year’s feminist-inspired fake rape controversies, at Georgetown we had a phony feminist imbroglio of our own when the ladies of H*yas for Abortion did a little tabling outside Healy Gates to protest the awarding of an honorary degree to Cardinal Donald Wuerl, the Catholic Archbishop of Washington, D.C.  Abby Grace, President of H*yas for Abortion, complained saying Georgetown shouldn’t “bestow a degree completely willingly upon someone who takes positions that we feel to be rather controversial and offensive.”  You know, fundamentally Catholic positions such as abortion is wrong and Obamacare shouldn’t force religious intuitions like Georgetown to pay for them.  

According to Abby, “bestowing such a degree to Wuerl [and people like him] goes against Georgetown’s pluralist mission.”  Got that DeGioia?  It’s inappropriate for a Catholic university like Georgetown to give an honorary degree to the local Catholic archbishop whose pastoral mission involves overseeing, well, Georgetown. 

Because, pluralism. 

Anyways, during their protest a DOPS cop politely asked the abortionistas to kindly move along from the intersection of 37th & O Streets and onto campus property. 

Wait, what? 

Let’s do a rewind and say that again . . .  a DOPS cop politely asked the abortionistas to kindly move along from the intersection of 37th & O Streets and onto campus property.  Okay, whew!  We thought the administration was trying oppress H*yas for Abortion by keeping them off campus. 

The incident led to a lot of hand-wringing over freedom of speech issues, which became a dominant theme on-campus last year.  Like compliant sheeple, the girls moved to Copley Lawn even though they had every right to be where they were on a public sidewalk. 

DOPS even helped them carry their table. 

What confuses us is H*yas for Abortion regularly makes a racket about not having University recognition, and then when Georgetown actually does invite them on-campus to hold their protests, they whine and ring The Hoya for yet another sympathetic article, (by our count, nineteen favorable pieces last year . . . it's like The Hoya is H*yas for Abortions organizational newsletter). 

BTW, haven’t you girls heard of the U.S. Constitution?  You always talk about rights, but it seems you’re not familiar with some of the most basic ones you have because you’re fortunate enough to be in America.  There is, for instance, the First Amendment, which allows you to protest on public property.  You should have woman-upped and been fierce and displayed all that strength you’re supposed to have because you’re feminists. 

In the future, just kindly tell the DOPS officer “No,” and that you’re not moving, and if he doesn’t like it he can call some real cops since his authority ends the second he steps outside Healy Gate.  We would have supported you and had more respect for you if you did. 

Instead, you acted like this . . .

Next time, don’t bend over forwards so quickly.

Part II appears tomorrow.